Friday, August 15, 2008

INDIAN ENGLISH

An Italian, French and Indian went for a job interview in England
They were told that they must compose a sentence in English with 
three main words: green, pink and yellow.

The Italian was first: 'I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow 
sun.
I see the green grass and I hope it will be a pink day.'

The French was next: ' I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow
banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV. 

Last was the Indian: 'I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone 
'green green ', I ' pink' up the phone and I say 'yellow '. 

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

SOMEWHERE IN SUMBAWANGA, TANZANIA.

Pimpin aint easy, check ma boys lookin ready for the long night. "Come in....we've got TOGWA, POMBE YA MNAZI, GONGO and WANZUKI. What would u prefer for tonight?".


Dj Solomon a.k.a Engineer wa Ndege akiweka mambo tayari. Ma boy is one of the best Dj's in town now. But he needs to get a new Laptop. I don think the one he has, got enuf space on it cause it looks kinda old. Windows 98 or some....tehe tehe tehe!


Lets get HIGH lets get DRUNK.......lets get FUCKED UP! She aint playin here. I don know whether she was mad at the cameraman or thats how she looks!? Leave me comments cause I need answers.


Its gud to see pple get together and have fun, but pliiz lets nat forget to pray too. Rama u know what am talkin bout.....when was ur last time KWENDA KUMSHUKURU MUUMBA?


Wazee wa Viminjio hawa never miss parties. I know they're kinda dark but damn this it gettin worse now.....I would recomend some products from "BATH AND BODY WORKS"


Ok nice very very nice. I can't say nuttin on this one cause its gonna be rude, but u can help me by laughin cause thats all I have for u now. Anyway sistas lookin gud but kinda bored too don know why.


Kupaz mzee wa matruck, he looks kinda busy for a night. Makin another move for somethin, I hope the move is kinda productive. Becareful with this man when u r the club with ur gurl.


U can take a pic for free. Dogo kapendeza sana kwenye pic siyo mbaya mwanangu kula raha bwana maisha mafupi au vipi? Sijui usiku iliishiaje...anyway none of ma business.....Holla back sometimes...


Mtoto wa Makoroboi a.k.a Lloyd Banks na msukuko wa Kisukuma hapo. Ma boy is tryin to explain some issues concernin his life. "Don pay too much attetion bro...he's drunk so he probably lyin to u".


Ukitaka kupata kungu basi lazima utumie kota kwani jiwe haliwezi kabisa yaani, ila kumbuka kuokota majani kwani baba Daudi akija hasijue kama tulikuwa tunawinda makungu yake. If u know what I mean.......

Sunday, August 10, 2008

MAMBO YA SUMMER TIME!

Kitu na box hapo wewe.Utumbo wa ng'ombe huo na ndizi. Mhuni Solo na Eugene walikuwa mtamboni wametoa kitu brrraaaa.....


Done...He's bout to passout.Andy Mkinga mzee wa bure. He knows all the schedules of free drinks in Wichita. He used to be an A student, but he no longer is....Alcohol is bad.


Everythin will be fine, Politician is here. Hey? Do u think Obama is gonna win?...to be continued...


Engineer wa Ndege za Cessna, Solomon talkin on the phone bout to make a quick move to the West side see whats poppin. Nice shoes by the way!


Mama Nyaroge. Hapo wabongo walikuwa wanajisahau sana kama mama yetu alikuwepo yaani walikuwa wanaongea matusi sana tu. Ila nadhani na kilaji kilichangia kwa kiasi fulani.


Kupas...almost there, Two more beer that's all he needs.


We love our soldiers too. Eat homeboy cause we have a tough job ahead when u go to Iraq next year. Best luck!!


U gotta love ur family pple. Ma boy spends sometime with his family...thats  whats up. That man never put his lil mama down....Thats his mom he said. Ma son is her bf.


4th of July, let kids play with fire. Am from Africa I don play that sh***t...Hell  NO!



Thats why I love America cause I have ma strong ties up here. Look at this pic....Am so blessed. Thanks...I know u said that too.


I don know what that is but it looks cute to me and Darrel...stay far away from ma daughter...AM SERIUOS!!!


Mzee wa Kengele is at SEBULENI. "Jus get me one Heineken with a champagne glass and don forget tissues. Thanks!"

NAIMA CHAMRIHO....08/08/08 D.O.B

Gud job homie..welcome to the neighborhood. Am glad u r showin some love to ur babymam, I hope that will be the same till the end of time.


All these pple are fathers and they share one thing.....which is.....they all have baby gurls....ha ha ha....nat very gud shooters.


Eunice "chunkie" flyin like always....She was conceived after dad got back from "H n' Oz" if u know what I mean.


The Planner is here.Poborsky a.k.a Mzee wa Kengele. Boy u look like ur lil gurl. Familia ya Chamriho inazidi tu Unyamwezini tumekwisha.


Wakienda Bongo hawa watapigwa mbu wenyewe watajifunza kufunga macho.


That's called "UNCONDITONAL LOVE" ur child is ur life....Goodluck Zay!


Charles and his daughter with mamaa on the side. I love to see couples are doin fine like that.


Child Support soon wewe chekelea tu....This is another Chamriho with his daughter Naima. Cute lil gurl right there homie. Hongera sana...


This baby kinda looks like him....we need answers ASAP!


They met and had fun, they didnt know they would end up creatin a lil baby gurl. Protection was not included definately.

When your neighbors hate you

Be always gud to ur neighbors lest u wont wake up one mornin and find this....

RELIEVE STRESS.


In order to prevent chronic back & neck pain,  here are several excellent stretches that are suggested to relieve the stress. Try one of these gyms, then next time your back and neck start feeling fit.....see below 

 




IT GETS NO DUMBER THAN THIS

MOI & MUSEVENI

Two presidents are talking over  coffee and croissants at their country club one day. Museveni, of Uganda, says  to Moi of Kenya .
 
"Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid. Do  you doubt me? Let me show you." And he called his driver over and said,   "Bakasongo, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a  Mercedes." To which Bakasongo replied, "Yes Sir! Right away Sir!", and he rushed  off. The president turned to his pal and said, "See, the moron is brainless." 


Moi said, "That's nothing. You want to see stupid? Let me show you stupid.  He called his driver, "Kiptoon, run home now and check to see if I'm at home."  Kiptoon said, "Yes Mzee!! Right away Mzee and ran off. Moi turns smugly to  his buddy, "See what I told you? That's my simpleton. 
  
Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Bakasongo said to Kiptoon, "Eh,  you know my boss is really stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to  the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes... Like he doesn't know that today is  Sunday and the showroom would be closed!.
 
To which Kiptoon  replied, "You think he is stupid, huh? My boss is worse, he asked me to go home  to check if he is at home... Can't he just use his mobile phone to find out?

 Wajameni, vikifikia hapo ... ni kasheshe, the drivers missed the whole point !!!

 GOOD DAY.

YANAYOKUFANYA UITWE MSWAHILI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YANAYO KUFANYA UWE MSWAHILI...

 1.Unamwita mtu usiyemjua(wala kukutana nae kabla)aunt au anco.


 2.Asilimia 90 ya CD pamoja na cassete za muziki ulizonazo nyumbani ni feki  (sio original copies).


3.Stoo yako imejaa vitu (makorokoro) kwa kuwa hutupi kwa kuamini kuwa ipo  siku utayahitaji kwa mfano karpet ukilitoa hulitupi n.k.

4.Una machupa ya maji matupu ya shampoo perfume pamoja na vipodozi vingine  umeweka tuu wala huna shughuli navyo.

5.Watoto wako wote wana majina ya utani mfano babu ali,chidi,mamu,dida n.k.


6.Hakuna mtu katika familia yako anayetoa taarifa kwako anapo kuja  kukutembelea mfano kaka,shangazi n.k.

7.Mifuko yako imejaa vitu kama vile vijiti vya kusafishia meno,tissue n.k  ulivyochukua sehemu kama vile mgahawani.


8.Mama yako anamigogoro na ndugu na hawazungumzi kwa muda wa siku 10au  zaidi.


9.Hupigi simu isipokuwa katika muda ambao gharama za kupiga ni nafuu(mfano  usiku sana )na mara nyingi huwa una beep tu.

10.Ulipokua mdogo nguo unazonunuliwa pamoja na viatu ni vikubwa mara mbili ili uweze kuvivaa muda mrefu zaidi.


11.Wakati ukisafiri na ndege unabeba mzigo wa uzito mkubwa kuliko  inavyoruhusiwa.

12.Unapomsaidia mtu na akafanikiwa basi utakuwa unasema kama sio mimi  asingekuwa vile yule.

NOTE.

 Wapelekee waswahili wengine ili wajue ni kitu gani kinawafanya wao wawe waswahili.......................... kama mimi na wewe ,

 Cheers

 

Why am I unemployed...?

Say hello to the Unemployable....
















And am sure that not one of them has the foggiest idea why he is unemployed.

Mambo ya kawaida jamani...

Kama unaona kuwa kuna kitu kinakufurahisha humu kwenye blog yangu basi hakuna noma kama ukiniangushia sifa mwanangu mwenyewe.....
Washkaji Mungu akipenda tutaonana basi.........ila kumbuka kuwa Mungu ni mmoja na siku zote anafanya maajabu kwahiyo si mbaya kama tukimshuru kwa kila nia.....
Mungu awabariki watu wote wa Dunia hii.Amen!

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?



2
 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 

3
 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 

4
 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?   cause I amGonna Kick their asses! 

5
 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor. 

6
 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 


7.
 When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8
 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?




9
 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass? 

 

If you are having a bad day, remember it could be worse...

If you are having a bad day,  remember it could be worse...