Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Why Africans Can't be Terrorists:

1. We are always late; we would have missed all flights.
2. Pretty girls on the plane would distract us.
3. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
4. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.
5. We talk with our hands; therefore we would have to put our weapons down.
6. We would ALL want to fly the plane.
7. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.
8. We can't keep a secret; we would have told everyone a week before doing it.

NEVER GET THIS DRUNK!!

HELP ME ,I'VE FALLEN !!

THIS IS A TRICK SHOT !!


TOTALLY BOMBED OUT !!


THIS ONE ,,TOOO !!!


SEEMS AS IF THESE BENCHES ARE ALL HARD TO HIT !!!


COZY ???



I THINK THIS IS CALLED ,' HANGING OUT ' !!

And I THINK THIS IS CALLED ' PASSING OUT ' !!

Commonly known as ,' having one too many ' !!


His fence isn't working tooo well !!


COM ER BOY ,, GOOD BOY,,,,,,, SIT !!



she reminds me of my,, NEW WINDSHEILD WIPER BLADES !!
And ,,wouldn't this tend to make,, 'THINGS' kinda sore ???


JUST MISSED THE BENCH ,,, COMPLETELY !!

Aaah kaka nini tena?Maji yamezidi unga hapa hakuna jinsi tena.....Chapa usingizi mwanangu!!









DJ wa Sebuleni mvinyo umezidi dakika za nyongeza.......E&J sio Apple Juice!Tehe tehe....













I'd think this would cause a SORE THROAT !!
And probably give you some pretty BAD BREATH !!

WHATS THAT BAD SMELL ?????







SAFETY FIRST !! THANK GOD FOR THE ' SEAT BELTS ' !!

THIS IS ,,,, 'WASTED TO THE HILT' !!

MADE IT ,,, ALL THE WAY TO THE DOOR !!

WHAT HAPPENED HERE ???

OHHH S - - T !! NOW I KNOW WHAT THE SMELL IS !!!







ITS VERY FUN

From the looks of the red curb, it's probably just a parking ticket.


I hope he's not after the milk.


I hope it's not a permanent marker.


Before culture teaches prejudice.


Why I like kids!

Tourist: Do you have vegetables here.
Makeke: Mnavyo vijimeza hapa.
Waiter: Vijimeza vidogo hatuna.
Makeke: No sir, they don't have.
Tourist: OK, fine, do you have hot dogs?
Makeke: Sawa, je mnao mbwa wa moto.
Waiter: Loh! Bwana we, hatupiki mbwa hapa.
Makeke: They don't cook here
Tourist: What type of snacks do you have here then?
Makeke: Aina ngapi ya nyoka mnao hapa,
Waiter: We bwana we! hapa hatupiki aina yeyote ya nyoka,
mwache akale nyumbani kwao.
Makeke: They don't cook any type of snacks here, maybe you can
go back and eat at home.

Tourist: OK, at least give us a cocktail juice.!!.
Makeke: OK, basi tupatie juisi ya mkia wa jogoo.
Waiter: Hebu tokeni na bangi lenu hapa, tena sasa hivi kabla sijakasirika.
Makeke: Lets get out of here, I think this man is crazy!
Tourist: Yes i think he(waiter) is crazy!!!!!
May God Bless You In All Your Difficulties!

How men change

The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?

Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!
After 6 months: I'm BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?

Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it's for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!

Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??


New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?

TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I'm going to watch PIRATES play, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!

Making Love:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I'm suffocating here!!!!

Globalization

QUESTION: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
ANSWER: Princess Diana's death.
QUESTION: How come?
ANSWER: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel,driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky,followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles;treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
U saw it over the TV through CNN based in Atlanta with its satellites in Hawaii presented by an a Khazikistan presenter, anchored by an Indian at 6pm Greenwich Meridian time.
This is sent to you by an African, using Bill Gate’s (an american) technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Pakistan lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked by Nigerian illegals, later shipped by Italians (mediterano shipping) received in Tanzania ports, by South African (T-Scan) sold to you by Chinese in Tanzania....!


That...... is Globalization my friend…!!!!

Husband on a UN mission Writes to wife:

Dearest Sweetheart
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart.
Your husband, Joseph.

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Dearest Sweetheart:
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. The landlord comes every day and takes two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items...
5. Other expenses 40 kisses.

Please don't worry about me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan in the same way for next month?
Please Advice!!!

Wedding dress of the year, Key West Style. No material involved....just paint!






50 most romantic things to do with your Girlfriend/Boyfriend

1. Watch the sunset together.
2. Whisper to each other.
3. Cook for each other.
4. Walk in the rain.
5. Hold hands.
6. Buy gifts for each other.
7. Roses.
8. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.
9. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
10. Write poetry for each other
11. Hugs are the universal medicine.
12. Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.
13. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.
14. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Do not lie.
15. Spend every second possible together .
16. Look into each other's eyes.
17. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.
18. When in public, don't flirt with each other.
19. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.
20. Buy her a ring.
21. Sing to each other.
22. Always hold her around her hips/sides.
23. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.
24. Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)
25. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.
26. Dance together.
27. Let your girl fall asleep with her head in your lap.
(It looks real cute)
28. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.
29. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes
30. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.
31. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.
32. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.
33. Always tell her how pretty she looks.
34. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.
35. Be Prince Charming to her parents.(Brownie Points)
36. Brush her hair out of her face for her.
37. Hang out with his/her friends. (more brownie points)
38. Go to church/pray/worship together.
39. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.
40. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.
41. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.
42. Make sacrifices for each other.
43. Really love each other, or don't stay together.
44. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.
45. Love yourself before you love anyone else.
46. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.
47. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.
48. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.
49. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.
50. Never forget the kiss goodnight. And always remember to say,

Mambo ya kawaida jamani...

Kama unaona kuwa kuna kitu kinakufurahisha humu kwenye blog yangu basi hakuna noma kama ukiniangushia sifa mwanangu mwenyewe.....
Washkaji Mungu akipenda tutaonana basi.........ila kumbuka kuwa Mungu ni mmoja na siku zote anafanya maajabu kwahiyo si mbaya kama tukimshuru kwa kila nia.....
Mungu awabariki watu wote wa Dunia hii.Amen!

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?



2
 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 

3
 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 

4
 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?   cause I amGonna Kick their asses! 

5
 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor. 

6
 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 


7.
 When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8
 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?




9
 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass? 

 

If you are having a bad day, remember it could be worse...

If you are having a bad day,  remember it could be worse...