Thursday, February 5, 2009

Medical Alert

MADNESS 2 5 DOLLARS...

Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1
- These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2
- These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3
- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4
- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5
- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 6
- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:


To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.


The first floor has wives that love sex.


The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.


The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Stimulus Plan Explained

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that can be explained using the Q and A format:

Q. "What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?"

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. "Where will the government get this money?"

A. From taxpayers.

Q. "So the government is giving me back my own money?"

A. Only a smidgen.

Q. "What is the purpose of this payment?"

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. "But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?"

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

· If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

· If you spend it on gasoline, it will go to the Arabs.

· If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.

· If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

· If you buy a car, it will go to Japan.

· If you purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America! You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

OLD








An old lady was standing at the rail of the cruise ship holding her hat

so that the wind wouldn't blow it away. A gentleman approached her &

said, 'Pardon me, madam, I do not intend to be forward but did you know

that your dress is blowing up in this wind?' 'Yes, I know,' said the lady. 'But

I need my hands to hold onto my hat.' 'But madam, he said, 'you must know that you're derriere is exposed!' The woman looked down, then back up at the man and said, 'Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat!'





Mambo ya kawaida jamani...

Kama unaona kuwa kuna kitu kinakufurahisha humu kwenye blog yangu basi hakuna noma kama ukiniangushia sifa mwanangu mwenyewe.....
Washkaji Mungu akipenda tutaonana basi.........ila kumbuka kuwa Mungu ni mmoja na siku zote anafanya maajabu kwahiyo si mbaya kama tukimshuru kwa kila nia.....
Mungu awabariki watu wote wa Dunia hii.Amen!

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?



2
 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 

3
 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 

4
 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?   cause I amGonna Kick their asses! 

5
 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor. 

6
 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 


7.
 When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8
 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?




9
 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass? 

 

If you are having a bad day, remember it could be worse...

If you are having a bad day,  remember it could be worse...