Thursday, January 22, 2009

The geography of woman and man

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like
 Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally
 beautiful! 

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like
Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for
 someone with cash. 
  
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain,
 very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. 
 
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like
 Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to
 visit. 
  
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great
 Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past. 
   
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like
 Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same
 mistakes twice, takes care of business. 
  
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like
 Canada, self-preserving but open to meeting new people. 
   
After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly
 beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages
 ... Only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for
 spiritual knowledge visit there. 
 
**The Geography Of A Man**
   
Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran,
 ruled by nuts.... 

WOMAN DRIVER RUNNING HOT


A woman was on the way to Greenville, NC and
stopped at McDonalds in Farmville just off of 264 East bypass last
Saturday and did not know that she hit this deer!! Someone in
McDonalds had to tell her ...the woman said she noticed that the
car was starting to run a little hot the last few miles.

I guess the hell it WAS running....a LITTLE HOT!!!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Back to School Bash

Liquidity

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received a $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons
of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Makes you proud to be an American!

Life as an african-be warned!






Mo Money

America has a rich tradition putting our most honored leaders on its currencies.
George Washington, our nation's first president and leader of the American Revolution.

Abe Lincoln, our most honorable leader pulled our nation through its darkest time.


Alexander Hamilton
, founding father, first secretary of the treasury and leader of the constitutional convention.



Andrew Jackson, "Old Hickory " fought the British in New Orleans .



Ulysses Grant, Union army general, lead the North through the Civil War.


Ben Franklin, Genius inventor, political theorist and leading author of the constitution.


Finally, we have someone to put on the food stamp!!!!!!!

Rejection notice from E-Harmony.....

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Valentine Party

LMAO

The World Is Nuts

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You can't take a blonde anywhere.................

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After
the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh,
I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they
were killing each other over like 25 cents.' Dumbfounded,
her date asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a
coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all
they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm Like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

An angel for you....

SOMEONE, sent me an Angel.
I DON'T want her, so I'm sending her to you !

Trunk Monkey

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A LOADED MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Monday, January 5, 2009

An article from www.kansas.com

Posted on Friday, Jan. 02, 2009

Mich. twins born on different days, months, years

They're twins, all right, despite what their spanking new birth certificates say. Tariq Griffin entered the world at 12:17 a.m. on New Year's Day at Crittenton Hospital in Rochester, Mich. Twin brother Tarrance was born a bit earlier - 26 minutes to be exact. That means the boys have the unique distinction of having been born on different days, months and years.

Their dad, Tarrance Sr., is also a twin. The parents say the boys are doing well, which is their main concern.


An article from www.kansas.com

Posted on Friday, Jan. 02, 2009

Police: Driver switched seats to avoid DUI arrest

Police said a West Valley City woman tried to avoid a drunken driving arrest by putting her daughter in the driver's seat before police arrived. Charges filed this week in 3rd District Court say the woman drove recklessly on Nov. 28 through a Costco parking lot in West Valley City. Authorities said she hit a curb and blew out a tire in the process. The charges said witnesses told police she then switched places with her 15-year-old daughter so the girl would be in the driver's seat when police got there.

The woman was found to have a blood alcohol level of .246 percent, more than three times the legal limit of .08 percent.


Judge Judy....

Judge to prostitute, 'So when did you realize you were raped?'
Prostitute, wiping away tears: 'When the check bounced'

I wonder if they bloom?

I wonder if they come indifferent colors?

I wonder about the fragrance?

I wonder if it would help to put those preservative packets in the water?

I wonder if they bloom?

I wonder whether they would look better on the kitchen table or in the entry?

I wonder if they're cheaper by the dozen?


Captured at 115th and Allisonville Rd, in Fishers (Indianapolis)The sign is real and was up for two hours before someone stopped and told them how to spell

PEONIES :)

YARD SALE.

Mambo ya kawaida jamani...

Kama unaona kuwa kuna kitu kinakufurahisha humu kwenye blog yangu basi hakuna noma kama ukiniangushia sifa mwanangu mwenyewe.....
Washkaji Mungu akipenda tutaonana basi.........ila kumbuka kuwa Mungu ni mmoja na siku zote anafanya maajabu kwahiyo si mbaya kama tukimshuru kwa kila nia.....
Mungu awabariki watu wote wa Dunia hii.Amen!

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?



2
 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 

3
 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 

4
 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?   cause I amGonna Kick their asses! 

5
 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor. 

6
 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 


7.
 When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8
 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?




9
 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass? 

 

If you are having a bad day, remember it could be worse...

If you are having a bad day,  remember it could be worse...