| YOUR OWN HANDY GUIDE THAT SHOULD BE AS COMMON AS A DRIVER'S LICENSE IN THE WALLET OF EVERY HUSBAND, BOYFRIEND, CO-WORKER, OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER! | DANGEROUS: | SAFER: | SAFEST: | ULTRA SAFE: | | WHAT'S FOR DINNER? | CAN I HELP YOU WITH DINNER? | WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FOR DINNER? | HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. | | ARE YOU WEARING THAT? | WOW, YOU SURE LOOK GOOD IN BROWN! | WOW! LOOK AT YOU! | HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. | | WHAT ARE YOU SO WORKED UP ABOUT? | COULD WE BE OVERREACTING? | HERE'S MY PAYCHECK. | HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. | | SHOULD YOU BE EATING THAT? | YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF APPLES LEFT. | CAN I GET YOU A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE WITH THAT? | HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. | | WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY? | I HOPE YOU DIDN'T OVER-DO IT TODAY. | I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU IN THAT ROBE! | HERE, HAVE SOME MORE WINE. | 12 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR: 1. PASS MY SHOTGUN 2. PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING 3. PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE 4. PUFFY MID-SECTION 5. PEOPLE MAKE me SICK 6. PROVIDE ME with SWEETS 7. PARDON MY SOBBING 8. PIMPLES MAY SURFACE 9. PASS MY SWEATS 10. PISSY MOOD SYNDROME 11. PACK MY STUFF &&& MY FAVORITE ONE 12. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR HORMONAL FRIENDS & THOSE WHO MIGHT NEED A GOOD LAUGH!! ...OR MEN WHO MAY NEED WARNING!!
&&& REMEMBER: MONEY TALKS..... BUT CHOCOLATE ROCKS!!
|
R esimay
To hoom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.
I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..
I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person,
Pepole really seam to respond
to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
BRYAN
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.
Employer's response:
Dear Bryan,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check.
See you Monday.
Mambo ya kawaida jamani...
Kama unaona kuwa kuna kitu kinakufurahisha humu kwenye blog yangu basi hakuna noma kama ukiniangushia sifa mwanangu mwenyewe.....
Washkaji Mungu akipenda tutaonana basi.........ila kumbuka kuwa Mungu ni mmoja na siku zote anafanya maajabu kwahiyo si mbaya kama tukimshuru kwa kila nia.....
Mungu awabariki watu wote wa Dunia hii.Amen!
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? cause I amGonna Kick their asses!
5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
