Saturday, April 11, 2009

The "Bitch" Fairy WATCH WHAT YOU WISH FOR LOL


Now I know all of you have

heard of the Tooth Fairy,

and The Fairy God Mother,,

But have you's heard of the

BITCH FAIRY,,,

Check Her Out..
Do not fear...

the Bitch Fairy has arrived

to put a smile on your face!!!!Don't mess with women!

Only in Texas

Only in Texas my friends... Only in Texas ..... Too bad......

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Texas . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy' s expense.

The deputy says,' License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer.

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law License and registration, please!' the Deputy says.

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

Monday, April 6, 2009

BLACK IS IN!


The head of the Republican National Committee is black.


The best known media mogul on earth is Black.


The greatest golfer in the world is Black.


The top female tennis players in the world are Black.


The highest grossing actor worldwide is Black.


The fastest racing driver in the world is Black.


The brightest Astrophysicist under the sun is Black.


The Super Bowl winning Head Coach is Black.


The most successful brain surgeon in the world is
black.

The fastest human on the planet is Black.


... Michael Jackson must be kicking himself.

This is why they invented AAA

Bungee Jump (Watch the Water)

Not everyone should have a fishing show - Too Funny!

Friday, April 3, 2009

ugh a flat tire

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I ease my car over to the

shoulder of the road, carefully get out of the car, and open the trunk.

I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my

car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe!

They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the

approaching drivers.

To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my lifelike men. And, of

course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and

waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind

me.

He gets out of his car and starts walking towards me. I could tell he was

not a happy camper!

'What's going on here?'

'My car has a flat tire', I said calmly.

'Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?'

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, 'Helloooooo, those

are my emergency flashers!

Mambo ya kawaida jamani...

Kama unaona kuwa kuna kitu kinakufurahisha humu kwenye blog yangu basi hakuna noma kama ukiniangushia sifa mwanangu mwenyewe.....
Washkaji Mungu akipenda tutaonana basi.........ila kumbuka kuwa Mungu ni mmoja na siku zote anafanya maajabu kwahiyo si mbaya kama tukimshuru kwa kila nia.....
Mungu awabariki watu wote wa Dunia hii.Amen!

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?



2
 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 

3
 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 

4
 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?   cause I amGonna Kick their asses! 

5
 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor. 

6
 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 


7.
 When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8
 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?




9
 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass? 

 

If you are having a bad day, remember it could be worse...

If you are having a bad day,  remember it could be worse...