This is funny

Geography of a WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa : half discovered, half wild,
fertile and naturally beautiful.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe : well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain : very hot, relaxed, and
convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece : gently aging but still a
warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain : with a glorious and
all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel : has been through war,
doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada : self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet : wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past
and the wisdom of the ages, an adventurous spirit and a thirst for
spiritual knowledge.

Geography of a MAN

Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.

THE END

What a pet!

New club in dar(mens toilet)

Guys lets wash our hands slowly heheh..look at the one far right lol

CASH FOR CLUNKERS

CASH FOR CLUNKERS..........I QUALIFY
IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --


Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.

CASH FOR CLUNKERS...........I QUALIFY - How about You?

Elvis & Michael

ELVIS AND MICHAEL JACKSON FOUND ALIVE!!!!!!

Happy holloween

REMEMBER WHEN YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU NEVER TO TAKE CANDY FROM A STRANGER....

...THIS IS THE ONE


SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!!!

Happy Halloween

EMAIL OF THE YEAR"!!!

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said: 'Let me see if I've got this right. 'You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. 'You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride. 'You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job. 'You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams. 'You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card. 'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. 'You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN'T PRAY?

Drinking and yoga

Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits as yoga!


Malasana
This position, for ankles and back muscles.


Savasana
Position of total relaxation.



Balasana
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.


Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.



Marjayasana
Position stimulates the midirift area and the spinal comumn.


Halasana
Excelent for back pain and imsomnia.


Dolphin
Excelent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.



Salambhasana
Great excersice to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.



Ananda Balasana
This position is great for masaging the hip area.

This is just terrible!!!!!!!!!

A wife was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the
most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in
the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent
when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that
her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical
condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her
husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. As
she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her
best shopping day ever. She decided to get in a couple of more shops
before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a
cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the
last shop. She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling
guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor
and asked about her husband's condition.

The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished
your shopping trip, didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While
you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your
husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as
well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be
the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will
require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!"

The woman was feeling so guilty, she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg. He's
dead. Show me what you bought! "

Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders!

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM
'
I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody
under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come
talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of
those fears...'

'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the
doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you
come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful
lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10.. I was so happy to have
saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask,
did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!

SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.... GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!

Happy Halloween

Why Halloween

is Better than Sex

10. You're guaranteed to get a little something in the sack.

9. The uglier you are, the easier it is to get some.

8. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

7. Less guilt the morning after.

6. It doesn't matter if they fantasize you're someone else,

because you are.

5. Forty years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.

3. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes, then go again.

2. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

1. You can do the whole neighborhood!

Hoover dam bypass bridge

A quarter-mile downstream from Hoover Dam, two fingers of concrete stretch toward each other from sheer cliffs, suspended nearly 900 feet above the Colorado River.

Any day, the fingers will meet, an 80-foot gap will close and the longest concrete arch in the Western Hemisphere will be complete.
The union will mark a major milestone in the nine-year construction of the Hoover Dam bypass bridge, scheduled to open in late 2010.
But even incomplete, the overpass, officially known as the Mike O'Callaghan-Pat Tillman Memorial Bridge, evokes a sense of wonder. Towering columns perch on naked rock. The arch is held by tendons of steel cable.

When the four-lane road is laid atop the arch, it will be the third-highest bridge deck in the country.

The bridge is intended to replace the road atop the Depression-era Hoover Dam as the main route between Phoenix and Las Vegas.
The project is designed to speed the trip along U.S. 93 and facilitate more trucking commerce among Canada, Mexico and the U.S.
The $114 million bridge project has been a challenge. Accidents delayed it by two years and claimed one life, as workers battled intense heat, dangerously high winds and perilous heights.

LFC 2-0 UNITED

Liverpool bounced back with a sensational display to sink Manchester United 2-0 in front of a jubilant Kop. Here's the best of our photos from a memorable day.

Barbie is getting older

How to save the Airlines

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton.

Failed parenting

Joke of the day

Two women were exercising together at the gym when one said to the other, "Oh no, I forgot to take my vitamins today. I'm walking around unprotected!" The other replied, "I wouldn't worry about it. I forgot to take my Prozac today. Everyone's walking around unprotected."

NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEVER, NEVER, EVER
let the groom order the wedding cake ...

Gaining trust is like filling a bucket....one drop at a time.