Saturday, June 28, 2008

MATANI YA KIKENYA....

1. Ati wee ni m-black mpaka ukiingia kwa dinga, dirisha zinakuwa tinted!
2. Kwenu kuchafu mpaka mende zinatema mate, ati ‘THU’ hii hao (HOUSE) ni noma.
3. Vile wewe mfupi, ukipigwa picha ya passport inatokea full.
4. Kwenu nyi wakristu hata dogi zenu zikiona mwizi anaiba, zinawaambia “wee iba tu Mungu anakuona.”
5. Ati hao(house) yenu ina gate lakini hakuna fence.
6. We' ni mshort mpaka ukikalia kwa pavement(sakafuni) miguu ina hang kwa hewa.
7. We mjinga mpaka ulifail blood test.
8. Wewe ni mblack mpaka mosquito ikitaka kukuuma lazima itumie torch.
9. We ni mrefu mpaka ukikunywa maziwa inafika kwa tumbo ikiwa mala (MGANDO/MTINDI).
10. Wewe ni mweusi ukikanyanga makaa unawacha footprint za blak kwa makaa.
11. Nyanyako(bibi yako) mzee mpaka chawa za nywele yake hutembea na bakora.
12. Ati nyinyi ni wengi nyumbani kwenyu yaani buda(baba) yenu hajui majina mpaka huwa address kama wananchi. (KAMA RAISI ANAPOTOA HOTUBA)
13. TV yenyu ni Ndogo lazima ufunge jicho moja ndio uone picha.
14. Wewe mblack mpaka unasweat soot.
15. Wewe mnono mpaka ukivaa yellow watoto wanafikiria ni schoolbus.
16. Manzii wako ni m ugly mpaka alikataliwa ku act horror(movie ya kutisha) Hollywood.
17. Nyumba yenyu ni ndogo mpaka lazima utoke nje kuchange mind.
18. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka kwa hao(house) kuna round-about.
19. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wa daft (WAJINGA) mpaka kupata driving license ilibidi mpelekwe boarding school.
20. Nywele za watoto wenyu ni ngumu mpaka mnazitumianga kama steel wool.
21. Mko wengi kwa hao(house) mpaka kuna rush hours na kukinyesha kunakuwa na jam.
22. Wewe ni mshort mpaka ukishuka kutoka kwa zile vitanda double decker lazima utumie parachute.
23. Ati TV yenu ni ndogo hadi wasee wa news huanza kwa kusema ..ati Munatuona jamani?
24. Sistaako ni ugly mpaka monkey ikampatia ndizi.
25. We mblack mpaka ukikutana na mzungu afternoon anakushow good evening?
26. Ngombe yenu mzee mpaka inatoanga yogurt
27. Kwenu kumekauka mpaka ngombe yenu hutoa milk powder.
28. Wee ni mzee mpaka ukiumwa na mosquito zina tema mate
29. Paka yenu noma mpaka iki shika panya inaitisha chumvi, fork na pilipili.
30. Kwenu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka mkipigwa family photo wengine wanatokea kama wame hang(ning’inia) kwa frame.
31. TV yenu ndogo mpaka wasee wa News(watangazaji wa habari) wame piga magoti.
32. We mrefu mpaka ukianza kuvaa underwear mbichi by the time ifike kwa magoti ime kauka.
33. Nyumba yenu ni chafu mpaka cockroach huvaa slippers(malapa).
34. Budako(baba yako) ni fala, alienda ku buy ngombe akaona ikikojoa akasema, sitaki hiyo, imetoboka.
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Mambo ya kawaida jamani...

Kama unaona kuwa kuna kitu kinakufurahisha humu kwenye blog yangu basi hakuna noma kama ukiniangushia sifa mwanangu mwenyewe.....
Washkaji Mungu akipenda tutaonana basi.........ila kumbuka kuwa Mungu ni mmoja na siku zote anafanya maajabu kwahiyo si mbaya kama tukimshuru kwa kila nia.....
Mungu awabariki watu wote wa Dunia hii.Amen!

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?



2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 

3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 

4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?   cause I amGonna Kick their asses! 

5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor. 

6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 


7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?




9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass? 

 

If you are having a bad day, remember it could be worse...

If you are having a bad day, remember it could be worse...