Valentine Party

LMAO

The World Is Nuts

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You can't take a blonde anywhere.................

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After
the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh,
I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they
were killing each other over like 25 cents.' Dumbfounded,
her date asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a
coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all
they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm Like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

An angel for you....

SOMEONE, sent me an Angel.

I DON'T want her, so I'm sending her to you !

Trunk Monkey

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A LOADED MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

An article from www.kansas.com

Posted on Friday, Jan. 02, 2009

Mich. twins born on different days, months, years

They're twins, all right, despite what their spanking new birth certificates say. Tariq Griffin entered the world at 12:17 a.m. on New Year's Day at Crittenton Hospital in Rochester, Mich. Twin brother Tarrance was born a bit earlier - 26 minutes to be exact. That means the boys have the unique distinction of having been born on different days, months and years.

Their dad, Tarrance Sr., is also a twin. The parents say the boys are doing well, which is their main concern.

Read More...

An article from www.kansas.com

Posted on Friday, Jan. 02, 2009

Police: Driver switched seats to avoid DUI arrest

Police said a West Valley City woman tried to avoid a drunken driving arrest by putting her daughter in the driver's seat before police arrived. Charges filed this week in 3rd District Court say the woman drove recklessly on Nov. 28 through a Costco parking lot in West Valley City. Authorities said she hit a curb and blew out a tire in the process. The charges said witnesses told police she then switched places with her 15-year-old daughter so the girl would be in the driver's seat when police got there.

The woman was found to have a blood alcohol level of .246 percent, more than three times the legal limit of .08 percent.

Read More...

Judge Judy....

Judge to prostitute, 'So when did you realize you were raped?'
Prostitute, wiping away tears: 'When the check bounced'

I wonder if they bloom?

I wonder if they come indifferent colors?

I wonder about the fragrance?

I wonder if it would help to put those preservative packets in the water?

I wonder if they bloom?

I wonder whether they would look better on the kitchen table or in the entry?

I wonder if they're cheaper by the dozen?

Captured at 115th and Allisonville Rd, in Fishers (Indianapolis)The sign is real and was up for two hours before someone stopped and told them how to spell

PEONIES :)

YARD SALE.

WOMEN AS EXPLAINED BY ENGINEERS

PART II

PART III

PART IV

PART V

Pharmacology

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. . Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day:&nbs! p; There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040,there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

How big is Wal Mart ?

1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.

2 . This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!

3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day(March 17th) than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco+ K-Mart combined.

5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest privateemployer.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.

8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy(including Winn-Dixie). 9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 areSuperCenters; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.

11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur ata Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately6.5 billion.)

12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart

13. Let Wal Mart bail out Wall Street(BETTER YET, PUT SAM WALTON'S MANAGERS IN CHARGE OF RUNNING THE BIG THREEAND THE BANKS./ANN)

BUSH NEW YEAR

Football Loving

Boozer Babies

BIRD FOR CHRISTMAS

TO Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. !

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana'

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

9. Sing Along At The Opera.

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

SOMEONE WAS WATCHIN YOU THAT NIGHT...

Do u see what I see?....NIDO....Pple are blessed nowadays but am sure TOO MUCH OF ANYTHIN IS HARMFUL. Look at this guy infront of the camera.....kazubaaa anaangalia Hotel ya mtoto ilivyokuwa imependeza...

From ma xperience am sure u can't be tall in the US and be broke. Am done puttin comments on this photo now its ur turn.

Tuny?! Can't u smile homeboy? Damn jus act like u r happy even though we know u aint...jus for the camera....May be next time then.

Hell no nat in ma blog dude....Take ur hand off her no sorry off him now......Free advice.

Why the lady on the right is yellin? Tryin to make herself funny or she's drunk? By the way these ladies were amazin....Mambo ya mazoezi haya unaona "VIMBWISI" lakini?

Pierre Buyoya ready to join Obama administration next week....Congrats fella.

I don think they were singin the same song....jus take a look on their lips. Is he dancin behind him? He better not...Kansas don recognize same sex marriage am sure of that.

Why is he drinkin water? Underage? I don think so...or he probably has "TB" so the medication is the barrier....tehe tehe.....Jus kiddin.

Is he sayin "hi" at the dancin floor? Still nat sure whether this caucasian male is #$%$#@ or not. I hope not.

God's created everyone of us from His Own Image. Not sure how does God looks like! It's kinda complicated when u think about that statement....Jus look at this photo and give me the answer.....Gudluck.

Mwanamke kimini cha mpasuo bwana....Whats wrong with this guy? Besides all them gud lookin ladies...he still dancin by himself!!! Somethin wrong with him seriously.

Leo Akajasembamba Magurumbwa Kamugisha from Kansas City showin some love to his fellaz...Waz nice to see homie. Next time get the glasses that fits u.

"Can't u tell? He don wanna dance...jus look behind u...grab that man....am sure he's ready to dance but he kinda shy to admit that to u or the one to ur front left lady"

I think the Mkoloni guy on the left is a cop...jus look at his eyes and am sure u can tell that.
Hey brothers? Once at time...I know she kinda tips but would you at least give each other a timeout? The other guys seems like he's goin for the necklace and nuttin else.

Mwisomba..... Am not sure if his eyes are open or not. But I know for sure he wants to get laid the way he's smillin.....I don know what happened after that though...Hopefully everyone was happy.

Captain Mwanache from the my favorite tv show...."THE FIRST 48".... lookin very happy and healthy here. Whats that sign? Shootin someone? I don know may be!

Thats what we call "HANDJOB" jus look at this photo carefully and tell me if am wrong....

Who said black is beauty?! I don think so sometimes is too much to be beauty. This photo is like watchin LCD and regular TV. Jus get closer to ur computer and prove me wrong.

"Wow" Nice....very very nice...It could be better if that jeans would move a lil bit down....tehe tehe tehe....

"Water again?" Ok....haaaaa hell NO.....Are u guys kiddin me? Pepsi too? Thats why we are Africans....Hey don drink pop/soda at the Night Clubs again....Do I have to tell u this jamani?

Both of you guys need to get that number behind you and call it on ur own extra time....or jus go online cause y'all need that....am tired of you two complainin..... "Can't find no jobs" What u need first is EDUCATION fellaz.

Mmmh hujafa hujaumbika....Don know whether they are friends or not...cause they're both completely opposite of each other. I'll find out.

Bothers lookin gud here....but why only one has a drink? Are u guys broke? Or waitin for them gurls to get drunk so u can take an advantage of that? Cause y'all at the door....mmh.... I'll let u slide with that this time but.....don do that shit next time.

Thats ma boy Damian chillin wit his wifey and a mother of his child....lookin gud cuzzin...Shem that finger aint very nice...

Who gave the dude with a Cowboy hat an advise to wear that shit? Or he's a comedian? Plus what kinda music are these homeboys dancin? They're all kinda funny and lookin very busy...ha ha ha...

U can't get me lil mama...Now I got u. How small is that camera? Is it really workin or jus don know? Where did u buy it?.....Craigslist? I guess so.

Textin and dancin aint goin together sista....Pick one at a time. What is she doin?Am talkin bout the gurl to the right.....Mmmh kama ni Pombe basi this is way too much...never seen a dance move like that before.

Wasukuma hawa bwana kwa starehe..... Hey engineer!.....Ur hands are kinda dry....try to think about that next time u plan to go out...Thanks!

Did somebody fart?Why is he lookin like that? Am talkin bout the guy to the left......or probably thats how he looks like....am workin on it so I can find that out.

Smoke it...but make sure u aint blowin into her face cause that would be rude. By the way these gurls are takin the whole photo. I was aimin to take a photo of the whole crowd but I forgot....sometimes it depends what size of crowd u have....whether is Medium...Large....Xtra Large...etc. Am sure this was 5XL ...ha ha ha......

Once Again....

Dad and Mom are smillin but the baby is mad as hell....somethin aint right here....I need to find that out....ASAP.

Aint she the biggest baby u've never seen before? Thats Eunice Chamriho a.k.a Chunky on her first b'day....Was fun.

U've gotta love this man....he's the SHOW STOPPER. He's a DAD a HUSBAND and a very gud supporter of John McCain and Sarah Palin.

Engineer J E Buluba when he's sobber....He looks so young.

I think their parents need a DNA cause they look like brothers to me.

Baba Chuki.....na Baba Naima...the guy on the right is the co-owner of Harry's Ollies now... For any private functions jus holla at him....His number can be found in this website.....
www.harrynollies.bwii.mkulia.com.

Yes thats funny....

A group of prisoners are on a manual work - filling a foundation trench ready for concrete casting.

One prisoner who has been assigned a particularly tough job of breaking huge stone to reduce them into smaller sizes using a-5kilo hammer before laying them decides to have a break.

The supervisor is up on him almost immediately and orders him back to work.

"Give me a break", the prisoner complains,

"Don't you reliaze this hammer is heavy?"

"So, the hammer is heavy now?" Says the supervisor;
"But when you were stealing the freezer you managed to run with it on your back! Get back to work"

More like this one...

"Hello?"

"Hi honey. This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause,
Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the
table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to
Mommy that Daddy's car just
pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he
jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean
it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?
Is this
486-5731?"
No, this is 486-5713.....

sorry wrong number

U GOTTA SEE THIS TO BELIEVE....

This is our Engineer J E Buluba can't believe he looks like this now. Cuzin u need some lotion on ur dry skin...seriously and the guy to his right is D Ngassa a.k.a Baba DJ nat sure yet whether is DRUNK or jus think about life...tehe tehe tehe!

Kambi's Family smillin here after left parents home strugglin......jus kiddin! Wichitans believe that the guy to the right he's the only African to stay na MNUGU for so long in relationship more than anyone.....Congrats homeboy....."FACT from the website...www.thetruthonly.co.ks.tz.edu"

Beer siyo maji ona mbwea huyu anatafuta bia kwenye carpet.....Dude stop like free stuffs u might end up on others bedrooms without knowin....

Engineer lookin gud up here.....I don know what does that sign mean cause am pretty sure its not "PEACE" or u help me.

Baba Chuki and DJ Smilez from Mambo Entertainment ooh no from U-1 here at ma house drinkin ma beer. Nat very sure what musics they were dancin cause Baba Chuki's move is kinda confusin me for real.