BIG Turkey

Welcome to Australia, where our spiders eat our snakes !

An office receptionist got the shock of her life earlier this week when she found a 14cm long snake entangled in the web of a deadly spider.

Tania Robertson, a receptionist at an electrical firm, came in to work on Tuesday and spotted the sight next to a desk in her office.

The snake, which had obviously died from the spider's poisonous bite, was off the ground and caught up in the web.

Leon Lotz of the arachnology department at the National Museum said it was only the second time that he had heard of a snake getting caught in a spider's web.

It is believed the snake got caught in the web on Monday night.

But it did not take the spider long to bite it.

A red mark on the snake's stomach was evidence of where the spider had startedeating it. Throughout Tuesday, the spider checked on her prey, but on Wednesday she rolled it up and started spinning a web around it. She also kept lifting it higher off the ground, while continually snacking on it. *******************************************************************************

Top Four Adult Jokes

Fourth Place :

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, His elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Third Place :
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Runner Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory..

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day To confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion..

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.

He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied. 'My God, Bill, what happened?' 'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
===============================================

Fun in the Snow.....

Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the teacherasked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up - Fireman, Truck Driver,Salesman,etc. Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so theteacher asked him about his father.

My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar andtakes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes,if the offer's really good,he'll go out to the alley with some guy formoney..'

The teacher, obviously shaken by his statement immediatelychanged the subject and hurriedly set the other children to work on acoloring project.

She then took Little Johnny aside and asked him, 'Is that true about your father?'

'No,' said Johnny.

'He plays football for the Kansas City Chiefs, but I was just too embarrassed to say that.'

Xmas & New Year Party

Interesting Stuff!

VERY INTERESTING STUFF

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.

Hence we have 'The Rule of Thumb'

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled'Gentlemen Only - Ladies Forbidden'and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was

Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopolythan the

U.S. Treasury

Men can read smaller print than women can;

women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally

green.

It is impossible to lick your

elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of peoplewho walk to work:

Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness:

28%(now get this...)

The percentage of North America that is wilderness:

38%

The cost of raising a medium size dog to the age of eleven:

$ 16,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:

61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their

hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter:

Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile

National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King DavidHearts - CharlemagneClubs -Alexander, the GreatDiamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =

12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th,

John Hancock and Charles Thomson.

Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added

until 5 years later

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by

ropes.

When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to

sleep on.

Hence the phrase....

'Goodnight, sleep tight.'

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.

Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the

honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts....So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them

'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get the phrase

'Mind your P's and Q's'

Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups.

When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.

'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

Don't delete this just because it looks weird.

Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh?

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

BRAZILIAN BED ADVERTISEMENTS .

If you were a marketing or an art major, you will appreciate this.

If you are anything else, you will still appreciate this..

WHAT BEDS????? DID YOU SEE ANY BEDS???

More, Goode and Dick

White Obama Black Mccain

HandzOff

Millionaire Idiot Fail

Yep, That Is A Name Of The Town

Blonde at the Appliance Store

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman,

"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Holidays! It begins Early, ha,ha

XMAS BREAK......HA HA HA!

On the 22nd of December, an elderly man in Moshi calls his son in New York and says,

"I hate to ruin your day son,but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery isenough!"

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

"Like WHAT???? They’re getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Moshi immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are not getting divorced.

Don't do a single thing until I get there.

I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there latest the day after tomorrow.

Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??" and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay", he says, "It's all set... They're both coming for Christmas and paying their ownairfare!!" MORAL: No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.

The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

AFTER ALL WE WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM.
Enjoy your XMAS!!

REPEAT AFTER ME !!!

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN,

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN,

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN,

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!!!

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN,

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN,

I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!!!

Beyonce better watch out!

This is too Funny. Click the link below. LOL. He is really working it. Have a good laugh! Click this link. Too Funny!

http://www.blackbottom.com/watch.php?v=QSonBANahFN

One of Your first Christmas Cards of the season!

Merry Christmas.

Looking for a Job

This is why people can't buy anything here in America including new cars. It's got to change. If there were ever a world war 3, we wouldn't win, couldn't win. We don't manufacture anything. The military outsources everything to other countries especially communist China . It's got to stop!!!
John Smith started the day early having set his alarm
clock
(MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 am.
While his
coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA )
was perking, he shaved with his
electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG ).
He put on a
dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA ),
designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE )

and
tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA )
After cooking his breakfast in his new
electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA )
he sat down with his
calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO )
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his
watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN )

to the
radio
(MADE IN INDIA )
he got in his
car
(MADE IN GERMANY )
filled it with
GAS
(from Saudi Arabia )
and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end

of yet another discouraging
and fruitless day
checking his
Computer
(Made In Malaysia ),
Joe decided to relax for a while.

He put on his
sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL )
poured himself a glass of
wine
(MADE IN FRANCE )
and turned on his
TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA ),
and then wondered
why he can't find
a good paying job
in AMERICA Y'all gotta Keep this one circulating, please!

OUCH!

OOOHHHHH!!!That's GOTTA hurt!!!!

(pic taken in the emergency)

MAMBO YA USWAHILINI HAYA...

HAJAPIGWA NA KANDAMBILI HUYU...

THIS ISN'T FUNNY.....

2008 Tax Return

If you think you are unhappy, look at them.....

If your society is unfair to you, how about her?

If you complain about your transport system, how about them?

If you think you suffer in life, do you suffer as much as he does?

When you feel like giving up, think of this man.

If you think you don't have many friends...

If you think your salary is low, how about her?

First Christmas Cards‏

Bush After the Presidency

I understand the Mr. Bush is preparing for a new job after leaving the White House.

Interesting Thong Choices ***ADULT CONTENT***

Times when the thong is not appropriate, Like...

And finally, When you're back from the grave.....

When it's holding you together.....

When your armpits touch it.....

When it's getting a bear hugg......

When it's on sideways.... WTF?

When it's trying to escape.....

When it's on the outside.....On the soccerfield....