MAMBO YA SUMMER TIME!

Kitu na box hapo wewe.Utumbo wa ng'ombe huo na ndizi. Mhuni Solo na Eugene walikuwa mtamboni wametoa kitu brrraaaa.....

Done...He's bout to passout.Andy Mkinga mzee wa bure. He knows all the schedules of free drinks in Wichita. He used to be an A student, but he no longer is....Alcohol is bad.

Everythin will be fine, Politician is here. Hey? Do u think Obama is gonna win?...to be continued...

Engineer wa Ndege za Cessna, Solomon talkin on the phone bout to make a quick move to the West side see whats poppin. Nice shoes by the way!

Mama Nyaroge. Hapo wabongo walikuwa wanajisahau sana kama mama yetu alikuwepo yaani walikuwa wanaongea matusi sana tu. Ila nadhani na kilaji kilichangia kwa kiasi fulani.

Kupas...almost there, Two more beer that's all he needs.

We love our soldiers too. Eat homeboy cause we have a tough job ahead when u go to Iraq next year. Best luck!!

U gotta love ur family pple. Ma boy spends sometime with his family...thats  whats up. That man never put his lil mama down....Thats his mom he said. Ma son is her bf.

4th of July, let kids play with fire. Am from Africa I don play that sh***t...Hell  NO!

Thats why I love America cause I have ma strong ties up here. Look at this pic....Am so blessed. Thanks...I know u said that too.

I don know what that is but it looks cute to me and Darrel...stay far away from ma daughter...AM SERIUOS!!!

Mzee wa Kengele is at SEBULENI. "Jus get me one Heineken with a champagne glass and don forget tissues. Thanks!"

NAIMA CHAMRIHO....08/08/08 D.O.B

Gud job homie..welcome to the neighborhood. Am glad u r showin some love to ur babymam, I hope that will be the same till the end of time.

All these pple are fathers and they share one thing.....which is.....they all have baby gurls....ha ha ha....nat very gud shooters.

Eunice "chunkie" flyin like always....She was conceived after dad got back from "H n' Oz" if u know what I mean.

The Planner is here.Poborsky a.k.a Mzee wa Kengele. Boy u look like ur lil gurl. Familia ya Chamriho inazidi tu Unyamwezini tumekwisha.

Wakienda Bongo hawa watapigwa mbu wenyewe watajifunza kufunga macho.

That's called "UNCONDITONAL LOVE" ur child is ur life....Goodluck Zay!

Charles and his daughter with mamaa on the side. I love to see couples are doin fine like that.

Child Support soon wewe chekelea tu....This is another Chamriho with his daughter Naima. Cute lil gurl right there homie. Hongera sana...

This baby kinda looks like him....we need answers ASAP!

They met and had fun, they didnt know they would end up creatin a lil baby gurl. Protection was not included definately.

When your neighbors hate you

Be always gud to ur neighbors lest u wont wake up one mornin and find this....

RELIEVE STRESS.

In order to prevent chronic back & neck pain,  here are several excellent stretches that are suggested to relieve the stress. Try one of these gyms, then next time your back and neck start feeling fit.....see below 

 

IT GETS NO DUMBER THAN THIS

MOI & MUSEVENI

Two presidents are talking over  coffee and croissants at their country club one day. Museveni, of Uganda, says  to Moi of Kenya .
 
"Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid. Do  you doubt me? Let me show you." And he called his driver over and said,   "Bakasongo, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a  Mercedes." To which Bakasongo replied, "Yes Sir! Right away Sir!", and he rushed  off. The president turned to his pal and said, "See, the moron is brainless." 

Moi said, "That's nothing. You want to see stupid? Let me show you stupid.  He called his driver, "Kiptoon, run home now and check to see if I'm at home."  Kiptoon said, "Yes Mzee!! Right away Mzee and ran off. Moi turns smugly to  his buddy, "See what I told you? That's my simpleton. 
  
Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Bakasongo said to Kiptoon, "Eh,  you know my boss is really stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to  the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes... Like he doesn't know that today is  Sunday and the showroom would be closed!.
 
To which Kiptoon  replied, "You think he is stupid, huh? My boss is worse, he asked me to go home  to check if he is at home... Can't he just use his mobile phone to find out?

 Wajameni, vikifikia hapo ... ni kasheshe, the drivers missed the whole point !!!

 GOOD DAY.

YANAYOKUFANYA UITWE MSWAHILI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YANAYO KUFANYA UWE MSWAHILI...

 1.Unamwita mtu usiyemjua(wala kukutana nae kabla)aunt au anco.

 2.Asilimia 90 ya CD pamoja na cassete za muziki ulizonazo nyumbani ni feki  (sio original copies).

3.Stoo yako imejaa vitu (makorokoro) kwa kuwa hutupi kwa kuamini kuwa ipo  siku utayahitaji kwa mfano karpet ukilitoa hulitupi n.k.

4.Una machupa ya maji matupu ya shampoo perfume pamoja na vipodozi vingine  umeweka tuu wala huna shughuli navyo.

5.Watoto wako wote wana majina ya utani mfano babu ali,chidi,mamu,dida n.k.

6.Hakuna mtu katika familia yako anayetoa taarifa kwako anapo kuja  kukutembelea mfano kaka,shangazi n.k.

7.Mifuko yako imejaa vitu kama vile vijiti vya kusafishia meno,tissue n.k  ulivyochukua sehemu kama vile mgahawani.

8.Mama yako anamigogoro na ndugu na hawazungumzi kwa muda wa siku 10au  zaidi.

9.Hupigi simu isipokuwa katika muda ambao gharama za kupiga ni nafuu(mfano  usiku sana )na mara nyingi huwa una beep tu.

10.Ulipokua mdogo nguo unazonunuliwa pamoja na viatu ni vikubwa mara mbili ili uweze kuvivaa muda mrefu zaidi.

11.Wakati ukisafiri na ndege unabeba mzigo wa uzito mkubwa kuliko  inavyoruhusiwa.

12.Unapomsaidia mtu na akafanikiwa basi utakuwa unasema kama sio mimi  asingekuwa vile yule.

NOTE.

 Wapelekee waswahili wengine ili wajue ni kitu gani kinawafanya wao wawe waswahili.......................... kama mimi na wewe ,

 Cheers

 

Why am I unemployed...?

Say hello to the Unemployable....

And am sure that not one of them has the foggiest idea why he is unemployed.

Taarifa ya Maabara: Ugonjwa Uliomuua Amina Chifupa.

Ugonjwa uliomuua Amina! 2007/07/13 

 

      Ugonjwa huu mpya ambao aliugua Bi. Chifupa na uliosababisha mauti

yake kwa jina la kitaalamu hujulikana kama

 

  "Uumbuajiasis Viongozitanzanialitis Hadharanum."

 

Ugonjwa huu unatokana na kufuatilia mambo ya serikali na

viongozi kwa karibu kiasi cha kutaka kuweka ubovu wao hadharani.

 

Dalili kubwa za ugonjwa huu ni hizi:

 

a. Kupenda nchi zaidi kuliko chama

 

b. Kuwa tayari kutetea mali ya Taifa na kuilinda mali hiyo

 

c. Kutoogopa yatakayokukuta

 

d. Kuanza kuweka hadharani ubovu na siri za viongozi hasa kwa jamaa

   yako karibu

 

e. Kutosikiliza ushauri wa kutakiwa kukaa kimya na wakubwa wako

 

f. Kuwa kimbelembele kuzungumza na kukemea maovu kila upatapo nafasi

 

g. Kuwa mtetezi wa Katiba na mkosoaji wa jamii

 

h. Kutolegeza msimamo hadi kifo.

 

Maambukizi:

Ugonjwa huu unaambukiza watu wachache kwani watu wengi wameshapatiwa

kinga yake. Kwa wale wanaombukizwa wanafanya hivyo zaidi kwa kusoma habari za ufisadi, rushwa, na ubadhirifu katika serikali yao . Kwa kupitia

mitandao, vitabu, na vyombo vya habari ,  virusi vya ugonjwa huu vinajipenyeza katika akili za watu na kusababisha kusisimka kwa ubongo.

Wale waliombukizwa ugonjwa huu hujikuta wakitafuta habari za kila namna

na kushiriki mijadala yenye kutafakari mustakabali wa Taifa lao.

 

Kinga:

Ugonjwa huu kinga yake kubwa hujulikana kwa kitaalamu kama Mlungura.

Kinga hii hutolewa kwa wale wote wenye kuanza kuonesha dalili za kukumbwa na ugonjwa huu.

 

Kinga hii huwekwa kwenye mabenki na maofisi

mbalimbali ili kuzuia viongozi wakubwa wasipatwe na virusi vya

ugonjwa huu. Kinga hii pia hufanya kazi kwa wale walioanza kuonesha dalili kama kina  Zitto, Marmo, Mzindakaya, Slaa, Rev. Mtikila  n.k

 

Pindi mtu akishapatiwa kinga hii

HAWEZI kuipinga serikali!

 

Tiba:

Hadi hivi sasa ugonjwa huu hauna tiba ya uhakika kwani wale ambao

wameshaugua kwa muda mrefu hawako tayari kutibiwa kwani wanaona

wanaishi vizuri tu na ugonjwa huu.

 

Karantini:

Pindi baadhi ya wakubwa wakiona kuna mtu ambaye amefikia hatua ya

juu kabisa ya ugonjwa huu basi kwa mbinu wanazozijua wenyewe

wanamkarantini, na wakati mwingine anakuwa katika hali hiyo ya

kutengwa hadi kifo ili asiendelee kuwaambukiza watu wengine.

 

 Jihadhari:

Kwa vile ugonjwa huu ni wa hatari, watu wabadhirifu, wezi wa mali ya

umma, walaghai, na mafisadi hawawezi kuustahimili.

 

Ugonjwa huu ni kinyume kabisa na watu hawa hivyo kama hutaki kuambuzizwa hakikisha unaendelea

kujikita katika katika vitendo viovu vya kuharibu mali za umma na

kuivunja vunja nchi huku ukishiriki katika kumegeana hazina ya

Taifa.

 

Kwa vile ugonjwa huu unaendelea kuambukiza taratibu, kuna

kila dalili hapo ulipo UNAISHI NA MWATHIRIKA!

  Zinduka,  Kapime ujue afya yako ugonjwa huu upo

"...the path of the righteous man

is beset on the tyranny and inequities

of evil men..."

THESE ARE REAL BUBBIES.

LOOSING WEIGHT.

HE MADE IT....

Congrats mshkaji....I can see u ready to fight fot this country.

MATANI YA KIKENYA....

1. Ati wee ni m-black mpaka ukiingia kwa dinga, dirisha zinakuwa tinted!
2. Kwenu kuchafu mpaka mende zinatema mate, ati ‘THU’ hii hao (HOUSE) ni noma.
3. Vile wewe mfupi, ukipigwa picha ya passport inatokea full.
4. Kwenu nyi wakristu hata dogi zenu zikiona mwizi anaiba, zinawaambia “wee iba tu Mungu anakuona.”
5. Ati hao(house) yenu ina gate lakini hakuna fence.
6. We' ni mshort mpaka ukikalia kwa pavement(sakafuni) miguu ina hang kwa hewa.
7. We mjinga mpaka ulifail blood test.
8. Wewe ni mblack mpaka mosquito ikitaka kukuuma lazima itumie torch.
9. We ni mrefu mpaka ukikunywa maziwa inafika kwa tumbo ikiwa mala (MGANDO/MTINDI).
10. Wewe ni mweusi ukikanyanga makaa unawacha footprint za blak kwa makaa.
11. Nyanyako(bibi yako) mzee mpaka chawa za nywele yake hutembea na bakora.
12. Ati nyinyi ni wengi nyumbani kwenyu yaani buda(baba) yenu hajui majina mpaka huwa address kama wananchi. (KAMA RAISI ANAPOTOA HOTUBA)
13. TV yenyu ni Ndogo lazima ufunge jicho moja ndio uone picha.
14. Wewe mblack mpaka unasweat soot.
15. Wewe mnono mpaka ukivaa yellow watoto wanafikiria ni schoolbus.
16. Manzii wako ni m ugly mpaka alikataliwa ku act horror(movie ya kutisha) Hollywood.
17. Nyumba yenyu ni ndogo mpaka lazima utoke nje kuchange mind.
18. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka kwa hao(house) kuna round-about.
19. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wa daft (WAJINGA) mpaka kupata driving license ilibidi mpelekwe boarding school.
20. Nywele za watoto wenyu ni ngumu mpaka mnazitumianga kama steel wool.
21. Mko wengi kwa hao(house) mpaka kuna rush hours na kukinyesha kunakuwa na jam.
22. Wewe ni mshort mpaka ukishuka kutoka kwa zile vitanda double decker lazima utumie parachute.
23. Ati TV yenu ni ndogo hadi wasee wa news huanza kwa kusema ..ati Munatuona jamani?
24. Sistaako ni ugly mpaka monkey ikampatia ndizi.
25. We mblack mpaka ukikutana na mzungu afternoon anakushow good evening?
26. Ngombe yenu mzee mpaka inatoanga yogurt
27. Kwenu kumekauka mpaka ngombe yenu hutoa milk powder.
28. Wee ni mzee mpaka ukiumwa na mosquito zina tema mate
29. Paka yenu noma mpaka iki shika panya inaitisha chumvi, fork na pilipili.
30. Kwenu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka mkipigwa family photo wengine wanatokea kama wame hang(ning’inia) kwa frame.
31. TV yenu ndogo mpaka wasee wa News(watangazaji wa habari) wame piga magoti.
32. We mrefu mpaka ukianza kuvaa underwear mbichi by the time ifike kwa magoti ime kauka.
33. Nyumba yenu ni chafu mpaka cockroach huvaa slippers(malapa).
34. Budako(baba yako) ni fala, alienda ku buy ngombe akaona ikikojoa akasema, sitaki hiyo, imetoboka.

IF MEN WERE MEANT TO DESIGN FURNITURE...