THROUGH A CHILD'S EYES Best in 08

SECONDS BEFORE DEATH

Subject: SECONDS BEFORE DEATH
Not for the squeamish!

SECONDS before Death (CHILLING).

WARNING! GRAPHIC BOATING PHOTO.

THIS IS A PICTURE

OF A MAN

WITH JUST SECONDS

LEFT TO LIVE

(CHILLING!)

Black Man Poem

The truth of the matter is
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Whether five-two or six-seven,
Yellow fabulous or chocolate heaven
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Long and lean
With deep brown eyes
Wavy hair or dreds
With strong thick thighs
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Bald head with goatee
Cornrows or a fade
A little thick, a little thin
Oh the choices to be made
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Scholarly or not
Wall Street or hip hop
I'll sing your praises
To the mountain top
Head of the home
Provider and love
Obedient son and loving brother
There's nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

A mighty provider you've proven to be
Sacrificing your life to keep me free
Working for crumbs
When the table is bare
Praising the Lord
Leading the family in prayer
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Holding my hand
When fear emerges
Remaining faithful, suppressing your urges
Proving your strength
By turning the other cheek
Having high hopes
When the situation is bleak
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Treating me like the queen
I was born to be
Never disrespecting, dishonoring, or disgracing me
Giving me credit when it is due
Oh, black man, how I honor you

There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man!

How to Tell if You're Going to Jail...

So that's how tequila works!!

Fireman Sex

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole,
BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

'From now on when I say BELL 1

I want you to strip naked.

When I say BELL 2

I want you to jump in bed.

And wh en I say BELL 3

we are going to make love all night.

' The next night he came home from work and yelled

'BELL 1!' The wife promptly took all her clothes off.




When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled 'BELL 3!', they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!'

'What the hell is BELL 4?' asked the husband?



'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,' she replied '
YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'

THESE MIGHT MAKE YOU SMILE!

Latest Grill Accessories These are a must have!

Tattoo Of The Year

Good Reason to Wear Pajamas to Bed!!!

Boy Genius!

The Ass Family

SOMEWHERE IN WICHITA, KANSAS

You Named It WHAT!

The geography of woman and man

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like

 Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally

 beautiful! 

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like

Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for

 someone with cash. 

  
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain,

 very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. 

 
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like

 Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to

 visit. 

  
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great

 Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past. 

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like

 Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same

 mistakes twice, takes care of business. 

  
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like

 Canada, self-preserving but open to meeting new people. 

After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly

 beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages

 ... Only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for

 spiritual knowledge visit there. 

 
**The Geography Of A Man** 

   
Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran,

 ruled by nuts.... 

WOMAN DRIVER RUNNING HOT

A woman was on the way to Greenville, NC and

stopped at McDonalds in Farmville just off of 264 East bypass last

Saturday and did not know that she hit this deer!! Someone in
McDonalds had to tell her ...the woman said she noticed that the
car was starting to run a little hot the last few miles.

I guess the hell it WAS running....a LITTLE HOT!!!!

Back to School Bash

Liquidity

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received a $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons
of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Makes you proud to be an American!

Life as an african-be warned!

Mo Money

America has a rich tradition putting our most honored leaders on its currencies.

George Washington, our nation's first president and leader of the American Revolution.

Abe Lincoln, our most honorable leader pulled our nation through its darkest time.

Alexander Hamilton, founding father, first secretary of the treasury and leader of the constitutional convention.

Andrew Jackson, "Old Hickory " fought the British in New Orleans .

Ulysses Grant, Union army general, lead the North through the Civil War.

Ben Franklin, Genius inventor, political theorist and leading author of the constitution.

Finally, we have someone to put on the food stamp!!!!!!!

Rejection notice from E-Harmony.....

Valentine Party

LMAO

The World Is Nuts

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You can't take a blonde anywhere.................

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After
the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh,
I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they
were killing each other over like 25 cents.' Dumbfounded,
her date asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a
coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all
they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm Like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

An angel for you....

SOMEONE, sent me an Angel.

I DON'T want her, so I'm sending her to you !

Trunk Monkey

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A LOADED MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.