THROUGH A CHILD'S EYES Best in 08

SECONDS BEFORE DEATH

Subject: SECONDS BEFORE DEATH
Not for the squeamish!

SECONDS before Death (CHILLING).

WARNING! GRAPHIC BOATING PHOTO.

THIS IS A PICTURE

OF A MAN

WITH JUST SECONDS

LEFT TO LIVE

(CHILLING!)

Black Man Poem

The truth of the matter is
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Whether five-two or six-seven,
Yellow fabulous or chocolate heaven
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Long and lean
With deep brown eyes
Wavy hair or dreds
With strong thick thighs
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Bald head with goatee
Cornrows or a fade
A little thick, a little thin
Oh the choices to be made
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Scholarly or not
Wall Street or hip hop
I'll sing your praises
To the mountain top
Head of the home
Provider and love
Obedient son and loving brother
There's nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

A mighty provider you've proven to be
Sacrificing your life to keep me free
Working for crumbs
When the table is bare
Praising the Lord
Leading the family in prayer
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Holding my hand
When fear emerges
Remaining faithful, suppressing your urges
Proving your strength
By turning the other cheek
Having high hopes
When the situation is bleak
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man

Treating me like the queen
I was born to be
Never disrespecting, dishonoring, or disgracing me
Giving me credit when it is due
Oh, black man, how I honor you

There is nothing more beautiful
Than a black man!

How to Tell if You're Going to Jail...

So that's how tequila works!!

Fireman Sex

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole,
BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

'From now on when I say BELL 1

I want you to strip naked.

When I say BELL 2

I want you to jump in bed.

And wh en I say BELL 3

we are going to make love all night.

' The next night he came home from work and yelled

'BELL 1!' The wife promptly took all her clothes off.




When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled 'BELL 3!', they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!'

'What the hell is BELL 4?' asked the husband?



'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,' she replied '
YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'

THESE MIGHT MAKE YOU SMILE!

Latest Grill Accessories These are a must have!

Tattoo Of The Year

Good Reason to Wear Pajamas to Bed!!!

Boy Genius!

The Ass Family

SOMEWHERE IN WICHITA, KANSAS

You Named It WHAT!

The geography of woman and man

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like

 Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally

 beautiful! 

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like

Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for

 someone with cash. 

  
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain,

 very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. 

 
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like

 Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to

 visit. 

  
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great

 Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past. 

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like

 Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same

 mistakes twice, takes care of business. 

  
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like

 Canada, self-preserving but open to meeting new people. 

After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly

 beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages

 ... Only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for

 spiritual knowledge visit there. 

 
**The Geography Of A Man** 

   
Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran,

 ruled by nuts.... 

WOMAN DRIVER RUNNING HOT

A woman was on the way to Greenville, NC and

stopped at McDonalds in Farmville just off of 264 East bypass last

Saturday and did not know that she hit this deer!! Someone in
McDonalds had to tell her ...the woman said she noticed that the
car was starting to run a little hot the last few miles.

I guess the hell it WAS running....a LITTLE HOT!!!!

Back to School Bash

Liquidity

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received a $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons
of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Makes you proud to be an American!

Life as an african-be warned!

Mo Money

America has a rich tradition putting our most honored leaders on its currencies.

George Washington, our nation's first president and leader of the American Revolution.

Abe Lincoln, our most honorable leader pulled our nation through its darkest time.

Alexander Hamilton, founding father, first secretary of the treasury and leader of the constitutional convention.

Andrew Jackson, "Old Hickory " fought the British in New Orleans .

Ulysses Grant, Union army general, lead the North through the Civil War.

Ben Franklin, Genius inventor, political theorist and leading author of the constitution.

Finally, we have someone to put on the food stamp!!!!!!!

Rejection notice from E-Harmony.....

Valentine Party

LMAO

The World Is Nuts

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You can't take a blonde anywhere.................

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After
the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh,
I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they
were killing each other over like 25 cents.' Dumbfounded,
her date asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a
coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all
they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm Like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

An angel for you....

SOMEONE, sent me an Angel.

I DON'T want her, so I'm sending her to you !

Trunk Monkey

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A LOADED MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

An article from www.kansas.com

Posted on Friday, Jan. 02, 2009

Mich. twins born on different days, months, years

They're twins, all right, despite what their spanking new birth certificates say. Tariq Griffin entered the world at 12:17 a.m. on New Year's Day at Crittenton Hospital in Rochester, Mich. Twin brother Tarrance was born a bit earlier - 26 minutes to be exact. That means the boys have the unique distinction of having been born on different days, months and years.

Their dad, Tarrance Sr., is also a twin. The parents say the boys are doing well, which is their main concern.

Read More...

An article from www.kansas.com

Posted on Friday, Jan. 02, 2009

Police: Driver switched seats to avoid DUI arrest

Police said a West Valley City woman tried to avoid a drunken driving arrest by putting her daughter in the driver's seat before police arrived. Charges filed this week in 3rd District Court say the woman drove recklessly on Nov. 28 through a Costco parking lot in West Valley City. Authorities said she hit a curb and blew out a tire in the process. The charges said witnesses told police she then switched places with her 15-year-old daughter so the girl would be in the driver's seat when police got there.

The woman was found to have a blood alcohol level of .246 percent, more than three times the legal limit of .08 percent.

Read More...

Judge Judy....

Judge to prostitute, 'So when did you realize you were raped?'
Prostitute, wiping away tears: 'When the check bounced'

I wonder if they bloom?

I wonder if they come indifferent colors?

I wonder about the fragrance?

I wonder if it would help to put those preservative packets in the water?

I wonder if they bloom?

I wonder whether they would look better on the kitchen table or in the entry?

I wonder if they're cheaper by the dozen?

Captured at 115th and Allisonville Rd, in Fishers (Indianapolis)The sign is real and was up for two hours before someone stopped and told them how to spell

PEONIES :)

YARD SALE.

WOMEN AS EXPLAINED BY ENGINEERS

PART II

PART III

PART IV

PART V

Pharmacology

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. . Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day:&nbs! p; There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040,there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

How big is Wal Mart ?

1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.

2 . This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!

3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day(March 17th) than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco+ K-Mart combined.

5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest privateemployer.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.

8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy(including Winn-Dixie). 9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 areSuperCenters; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.

11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur ata Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately6.5 billion.)

12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart

13. Let Wal Mart bail out Wall Street(BETTER YET, PUT SAM WALTON'S MANAGERS IN CHARGE OF RUNNING THE BIG THREEAND THE BANKS./ANN)

BUSH NEW YEAR