And am sure that not one of them has the foggiest idea why he is unemployed.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Taarifa ya Maabara: Ugonjwa Uliomuua Amina Chifupa.
Ugonjwa uliomuua Amina! 2007/07/13
Ugonjwa huu mpya ambao aliugua Bi. Chifupa na uliosababisha mauti
yake kwa jina la kitaalamu hujulikana kama
"Uumbuajiasis Viongozitanzanialitis Hadharanum."
Ugonjwa huu unatokana na kufuatilia mambo ya serikali na
viongozi kwa karibu kiasi cha kutaka kuweka ubovu wao hadharani.
Dalili kubwa za ugonjwa huu ni hizi:
a. Kupenda nchi zaidi kuliko chama
b. Kuwa tayari kutetea mali ya Taifa na kuilinda mali hiyo
c. Kutoogopa yatakayokukuta
d. Kuanza kuweka hadharani ubovu na siri za viongozi hasa kwa jamaa
yako karibu
e. Kutosikiliza ushauri wa kutakiwa kukaa kimya na wakubwa wako
f. Kuwa kimbelembele kuzungumza na kukemea maovu kila upatapo nafasi
g. Kuwa mtetezi wa Katiba na mkosoaji wa jamii
h. Kutolegeza msimamo hadi kifo.
Maambukizi:
Ugonjwa huu unaambukiza watu wachache kwani watu wengi wameshapatiwa
kinga yake. Kwa wale wanaombukizwa wanafanya hivyo zaidi kwa kusoma habari za ufisadi, rushwa, na ubadhirifu katika serikali yao . Kwa kupitia
mitandao, vitabu, na vyombo vya habari , virusi vya ugonjwa huu vinajipenyeza katika akili za watu na kusababisha kusisimka kwa ubongo.
Wale waliombukizwa ugonjwa huu hujikuta wakitafuta habari za kila namna
na kushiriki mijadala yenye kutafakari mustakabali wa Taifa lao.
Kinga:
Ugonjwa huu kinga yake kubwa hujulikana kwa kitaalamu kama Mlungura.
Kinga hii hutolewa kwa wale wote wenye kuanza kuonesha dalili za kukumbwa na ugonjwa huu.
Kinga hii huwekwa kwenye mabenki na maofisi
mbalimbali ili kuzuia viongozi wakubwa wasipatwe na virusi vya
ugonjwa huu. Kinga hii pia hufanya kazi kwa wale walioanza kuonesha dalili kama kina Zitto, Marmo, Mzindakaya, Slaa, Rev. Mtikila n.k
Pindi mtu akishapatiwa kinga hii
HAWEZI kuipinga serikali!
Tiba:
Hadi hivi sasa ugonjwa huu hauna tiba ya uhakika kwani wale ambao
wameshaugua kwa muda mrefu hawako tayari kutibiwa kwani wanaona
wanaishi vizuri tu na ugonjwa huu.
Karantini:
Pindi baadhi ya wakubwa wakiona kuna mtu ambaye amefikia hatua ya
juu kabisa ya ugonjwa huu basi kwa mbinu wanazozijua wenyewe
wanamkarantini, na wakati mwingine anakuwa katika hali hiyo ya
kutengwa hadi kifo ili asiendelee kuwaambukiza watu wengine.
Jihadhari:
Kwa vile ugonjwa huu ni wa hatari, watu wabadhirifu, wezi wa mali ya
umma, walaghai, na mafisadi hawawezi kuustahimili.
Ugonjwa huu ni kinyume kabisa na watu hawa hivyo kama hutaki kuambuzizwa hakikisha unaendelea
kujikita katika katika vitendo viovu vya kuharibu mali za umma na
kuivunja vunja nchi huku ukishiriki katika kumegeana hazina ya
Taifa.
Kwa vile ugonjwa huu unaendelea kuambukiza taratibu, kuna
kila dalili hapo ulipo UNAISHI NA MWATHIRIKA!
Zinduka, Kapime ujue afya yako ugonjwa huu upo
"...the path of the righteous man
is beset on the tyranny and inequities
of evil men..."
Saturday, June 28, 2008
MATANI YA KIKENYA....
1. Ati wee ni m-black mpaka ukiingia kwa dinga, dirisha zinakuwa tinted!
2. Kwenu kuchafu mpaka mende zinatema mate, ati ‘THU’ hii hao (HOUSE) ni noma.
3. Vile wewe mfupi, ukipigwa picha ya passport inatokea full.
4. Kwenu nyi wakristu hata dogi zenu zikiona mwizi anaiba, zinawaambia “wee iba tu Mungu anakuona.”
5. Ati hao(house) yenu ina gate lakini hakuna fence.
6. We' ni mshort mpaka ukikalia kwa pavement(sakafuni) miguu ina hang kwa hewa.
7. We mjinga mpaka ulifail blood test.
8. Wewe ni mblack mpaka mosquito ikitaka kukuuma lazima itumie torch.
9. We ni mrefu mpaka ukikunywa maziwa inafika kwa tumbo ikiwa mala (MGANDO/MTINDI).
10. Wewe ni mweusi ukikanyanga makaa unawacha footprint za blak kwa makaa.
11. Nyanyako(bibi yako) mzee mpaka chawa za nywele yake hutembea na bakora.
12. Ati nyinyi ni wengi nyumbani kwenyu yaani buda(baba) yenu hajui majina mpaka huwa address kama wananchi. (KAMA RAISI ANAPOTOA HOTUBA)
13. TV yenyu ni Ndogo lazima ufunge jicho moja ndio uone picha.
14. Wewe mblack mpaka unasweat soot.
15. Wewe mnono mpaka ukivaa yellow watoto wanafikiria ni schoolbus.
16. Manzii wako ni m ugly mpaka alikataliwa ku act horror(movie ya kutisha) Hollywood.
17. Nyumba yenyu ni ndogo mpaka lazima utoke nje kuchange mind.
18. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka kwa hao(house) kuna round-about.
19. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wa daft (WAJINGA) mpaka kupata driving license ilibidi mpelekwe boarding school.
20. Nywele za watoto wenyu ni ngumu mpaka mnazitumianga kama steel wool.
21. Mko wengi kwa hao(house) mpaka kuna rush hours na kukinyesha kunakuwa na jam.
22. Wewe ni mshort mpaka ukishuka kutoka kwa zile vitanda double decker lazima utumie parachute.
23. Ati TV yenu ni ndogo hadi wasee wa news huanza kwa kusema ..ati Munatuona jamani?
24. Sistaako ni ugly mpaka monkey ikampatia ndizi.
25. We mblack mpaka ukikutana na mzungu afternoon anakushow good evening?
26. Ngombe yenu mzee mpaka inatoanga yogurt
27. Kwenu kumekauka mpaka ngombe yenu hutoa milk powder.
28. Wee ni mzee mpaka ukiumwa na mosquito zina tema mate
29. Paka yenu noma mpaka iki shika panya inaitisha chumvi, fork na pilipili.
30. Kwenu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka mkipigwa family photo wengine wanatokea kama wame hang(ning’inia) kwa frame.
31. TV yenu ndogo mpaka wasee wa News(watangazaji wa habari) wame piga magoti.
32. We mrefu mpaka ukianza kuvaa underwear mbichi by the time ifike kwa magoti ime kauka.
33. Nyumba yenu ni chafu mpaka cockroach huvaa slippers(malapa).
34. Budako(baba yako) ni fala, alienda ku buy ngombe akaona ikikojoa akasema, sitaki hiyo, imetoboka.
2. Kwenu kuchafu mpaka mende zinatema mate, ati ‘THU’ hii hao (HOUSE) ni noma.
3. Vile wewe mfupi, ukipigwa picha ya passport inatokea full.
4. Kwenu nyi wakristu hata dogi zenu zikiona mwizi anaiba, zinawaambia “wee iba tu Mungu anakuona.”
5. Ati hao(house) yenu ina gate lakini hakuna fence.
6. We' ni mshort mpaka ukikalia kwa pavement(sakafuni) miguu ina hang kwa hewa.
7. We mjinga mpaka ulifail blood test.
8. Wewe ni mblack mpaka mosquito ikitaka kukuuma lazima itumie torch.
9. We ni mrefu mpaka ukikunywa maziwa inafika kwa tumbo ikiwa mala (MGANDO/MTINDI).
10. Wewe ni mweusi ukikanyanga makaa unawacha footprint za blak kwa makaa.
11. Nyanyako(bibi yako) mzee mpaka chawa za nywele yake hutembea na bakora.
12. Ati nyinyi ni wengi nyumbani kwenyu yaani buda(baba) yenu hajui majina mpaka huwa address kama wananchi. (KAMA RAISI ANAPOTOA HOTUBA)
13. TV yenyu ni Ndogo lazima ufunge jicho moja ndio uone picha.
14. Wewe mblack mpaka unasweat soot.
15. Wewe mnono mpaka ukivaa yellow watoto wanafikiria ni schoolbus.
16. Manzii wako ni m ugly mpaka alikataliwa ku act horror(movie ya kutisha) Hollywood.
17. Nyumba yenyu ni ndogo mpaka lazima utoke nje kuchange mind.
18. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka kwa hao(house) kuna round-about.
19. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wa daft (WAJINGA) mpaka kupata driving license ilibidi mpelekwe boarding school.
20. Nywele za watoto wenyu ni ngumu mpaka mnazitumianga kama steel wool.
21. Mko wengi kwa hao(house) mpaka kuna rush hours na kukinyesha kunakuwa na jam.
22. Wewe ni mshort mpaka ukishuka kutoka kwa zile vitanda double decker lazima utumie parachute.
23. Ati TV yenu ni ndogo hadi wasee wa news huanza kwa kusema ..ati Munatuona jamani?
24. Sistaako ni ugly mpaka monkey ikampatia ndizi.
25. We mblack mpaka ukikutana na mzungu afternoon anakushow good evening?
26. Ngombe yenu mzee mpaka inatoanga yogurt
27. Kwenu kumekauka mpaka ngombe yenu hutoa milk powder.
28. Wee ni mzee mpaka ukiumwa na mosquito zina tema mate
29. Paka yenu noma mpaka iki shika panya inaitisha chumvi, fork na pilipili.
30. Kwenu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka mkipigwa family photo wengine wanatokea kama wame hang(ning’inia) kwa frame.
31. TV yenu ndogo mpaka wasee wa News(watangazaji wa habari) wame piga magoti.
32. We mrefu mpaka ukianza kuvaa underwear mbichi by the time ifike kwa magoti ime kauka.
33. Nyumba yenu ni chafu mpaka cockroach huvaa slippers(malapa).
34. Budako(baba yako) ni fala, alienda ku buy ngombe akaona ikikojoa akasema, sitaki hiyo, imetoboka.
AFTER LUNCH QUIZ...
Can you solve within 1 min or how much time you need? 10 mins or ????????
Scroll Down for Answer:
Scroll Down for Answer:
How many did you get? 0% Pole sana you are not the only one who failed mko wengi. I know you are laughing........................
BLIND MAN.
A blind man walks into a little restaurant and sits Down. The owner, walks up to him and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it andOrder from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's tableAnd hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
Ah,yes, that's what I'll have--meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen and tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened. The blind man eats and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife Gladys that theNext time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Gladys,Rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Gladys complies and hands her husband the fork.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I have your fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, sniffs, and says, "Hey, I didn't know Gladys worked here!"
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it andOrder from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's tableAnd hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
Ah,yes, that's what I'll have--meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen and tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened. The blind man eats and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife Gladys that theNext time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Gladys,Rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Gladys complies and hands her husband the fork.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I have your fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, sniffs, and says, "Hey, I didn't know Gladys worked here!"
UUUH! FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation One of themkept complaining of family problems.
Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems?Listen to my situation."
"A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter.We got married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father marriedmy stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my fatherbecame my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of herfather-in-law."
"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boywas my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the sonof my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand son. That made me thegrand-father of my half-brother."
"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister ofmy son,my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, thebrother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I ammy stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is Her own child's aunt, my son ismy father's nephew & I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"
"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"
Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems?Listen to my situation."
"A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter.We got married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father marriedmy stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my fatherbecame my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of herfather-in-law."
"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boywas my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the sonof my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand son. That made me thegrand-father of my half-brother."
"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister ofmy son,my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, thebrother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I ammy stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is Her own child's aunt, my son ismy father's nephew & I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"
"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"
Monday, June 16, 2008
MAMBO YA SUMMER TIME HAYA....
Kikosi cha pili kikiwa kwenye benchi hapa ila sina uhakika kwa sana kama kweli hawa ni wachezaji au washabiki tu....
Kaza kiuno wewe embu nyanyuka kwanza.....kijana lager hizo na mama nyumbani basi nakwambia ni balaa tupu tu.....
Nakwambia sijui kuna timu ngapi humu ndani kwani kila mtu kavaa anavyojua mwenyewe..
Tehe tehe tehe....kila fani ina wenyewe ila nadhani uncle hii siyo yako kabisa yaani...
Huyu jamaa nani kamwambia akavae kaptula?Cheki mlonjo ule....kudadeki mtu huyu amewezaje kusimama mwenyewe?
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